YOU'RE TUNED INTO THE HOME OF THE ROCK!

And now folks, it's 6am and we conclude our Sunrise Chat, please stay tuned for Mad Cat and Asshole Jack in the morning on Radio 101.3.

Mad Cat:
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD Morning Radio America!!! This is...The DOCTOR Mad C. and you can't Jack it without my main asshole, say hi to our people, Jack!

Asshole Jack:
Thank you Cat it's Friday, it's the WEEKEND and we're looking to give away lots of concert tickets, prizes and 101.3 HOME OF THE ROCK t-shirts that you will immediately use for the specific purpose of mowing your lawn.

Mad Cat:
If we call you and you answer your phone by saying "Prize me 101!" and slap your scrotum against the phone, we'll be sending YOU and a friend too see the band with the two other guys from Fallout Boy!  You know, the ones nobody knew.

Asshole Jack:
...AND you'll get to meet the band before they hit the stage for pictures and autographs!

Mad Cat:
We're gonna SLAY yooooooooooooooooooooou with a little Scorpions here while my man the A-Hole and I cut rockstar lines of blow to keep up our incredibly loud and obnoxious routine.  Here's No One Like You on the ONLY rock station that matters 101.3 HOME OF THE ROCK!!!! 

*song plays*

Asshole Jack:
...and we're back!  Man, is there anything better than German hair metal?

Mad Cat:
I'll answer that by saying "Hi-Yo!!!!" and playing some sound byte from a Will Farrell movie to show how in-touch I am with the Youth of eight years ago!

*Anchorman sound clip*

Asshole Jack:
You know, losers often stop me in the street when the recognize me from the awesome billboard of the two of us with our back to each other while yelling at the camera man and wearing sunglasses.  They say things like "You're a douchebag" and  "I'd rather listen to static than you."  Pfft.  Jealous.  Jealous of this 265 lb. Hawaiian shirt-clad scene celebrity who gets to feels up girls at wet t-shirt contests.  Of course I never go home with them, but who witnesses that part?

Mad Cat:
This job is tough, people.  We barely make enough money for the eightball apiece we put up our nose during this 4-hour broadcast.  You see, with limited songs in the morning and our inability to comment on social norms without shitting the bed we make up for it by using CRAAAAZY sound effects, idiotic contests and bringing hot women into the studio that only WE can see!!!!  And you love it!!

Asshole Jack:
You said it Cat, speaking of which beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the fifth caller in right now and you will be spending $101.30 this weekend in DAVE AND BUSTER DOLLARRRRRRRRS!!!!

Mad Cat:
Just think of all the games of ski-ball, table shuffleboard and Power Tower that will buy you and your date!!!  Looks like you'll be eating in the FANCY section of that cesspool of noise pollution.   Maybe even walking away from the prize station with a Stewie doll.

Asshole Jack:
Changing the subject for no reason, we want to remind you to be tuned in at ten for our daily Fake Orphan Funny!

Mad Cat:
Good reminder AJ!  We'll be calling a random child at ten am to let him no his parents are dead.   If he goes ten seconds without crying, we'll be setting him up with tickets to the Jimmy Eat World reunion tour courtesy of 101.3 HOME OF THE ROCK!!!

*"Please sir may I have some more?" clip from Oliver!*

Asshole:
The ROCK!!!!!

Mad Cat:
THE ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!