THE HIPSTER RANT

Urban Outfitters everywhere rejoice: the hipster fashion grows more and more each day, spawning out from it's bacteria-spore mother ship parked in the sewers of Brooklyn into as far as my home of Canada.  Nowadays, we have jerk everywhere wearing safety glasses, neon-coloured plaid shirts, moustaches, and poor hygiene.

The Hipster considers themselves the ultimate rebel of society today: they don't wear the trendy things (because it's easier and cheaper to steal if from donation bins), the don't listen to trendy music (because it's awesome to listen to music that isn't good enough to be liked) and they don't do trendy things like socialize outside their so-called "group, take showers or work full-time.  They are trust fund cheque-wielding spoiled brats and wounded ex-dweebs (actually, NOT ex) that have never worked hard for anything in their life, so they disguise this by dressing in such humiliating swag homeless people flip change at THEM.  They stink, drink Pabst (aka turkey vulture piss) to show off their "ruggedness" and absolutely HATE paying bills, so they usually live at least 17 to each studio apartment.

Of course, this is all about "rejecting the norms of society".  The problem is, when people rejected norms in the past, it worked.  There's now way to shock and impress us anymore.  Back in the 50's, Milton Bearle would dress up in drag onTV and people watching would laugh themselves sick.  Saying "Fuck you" to the norm doesn't work anymore, because the norm in now Norman Bates.  But, that doesn't stop Hipsters from trying.  I just can't wrap my head around what they're trying to prove: They're always ugly, pale, disheveled, out of shape, and look they they get their entire calcium intake from eating 2 Rolaids per day.  However, in their own eyes they are the epitome of cool.  Never looking up from their Blackberries and rolling their eyes and sighing whenever anybody tries to explain ANYTHING to them.

Hipsters are a fucking disease.  I used to think that douhebags (metrosexuals) were the greatest social group threat to society.  I was dead wrong.  At least douchebags have jobs and ambition, even if that ambition in to have the shiniest forehead in the universe.  The Hipster plague just keeps on growing, popularizing skinny jeans, fake glasses and self-starvation.  They constantly bitch about people that get everything handed to them, while they themselves are the one always sucking on the teet of society.

Wean the little bastards.

You won't be needing that calculator
on your watch to count how many friends
you have, cool dude.

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