You've probably heard of Esquire magazine-- they're the assholes that basically shout at men that if you're not an individual that follows their rules, you're simply not a man. This, coming from a shitrag that has a full-page advertisement content taking up 45% of each issue. One of this magazine's missions in the last ten years is to eliminate heterosexuality in heterosexual males, saying you should go to day spas and own at least TEN pairs of shoes. The FUCK choo say, meng?! I don't understand this sudden de-ballification of the male species.
I'm not too sure where it started, one day a guy threw on a striped shirt, wore it to a bar, and the seventh seal opened. The base majority of males these days are so goddamn obsessed with presentation. I mean, day spas for men? Let me save you some time and money: do you have two eyebrows? Good. We're done. And don't you love when you see the dude getting the manicure done, but he's facing away from the front window so nobody he knows might see him? Just because you're sporting a shit-eating grin it, doesn't hide the fact that you've been eating shit. With the money you could save on those unnecessary metrosexual rituals you could be spending on lunch time rub n' tugs at that place next door to the cemetery.
But as far as shoes go, a man needs not ten. Four, maybe five. Those would include:
Universal Beat-Up Running Shoes
They have a few years of use, so they are perfectly contoured and comfy. You can perform minor athletics in them, chill out, mow the lawn or hop in a Delorean and make sure your mom and dad meet.
Sandals/Open Foot Summer footwear
Almost any place will get hot for a while, and shoes can suck in the heat. Keep in mind wear you stick them, since feet have a tendency to freak people out, or turn them on in the weirder sector.
Dress Shoes
Black or Brown, your choice. Something that isn't contemporary. If you work a dressy office job or the like, another pair would be perfectly acceptable. Putting tap plates on the soles would we rad as well, I did that for my mom to prevent her from killing me with a pillow in my sleep.
Steel-Toed Workboots
Yes, you should own them. When I was a teenager, I used them to kick white people with dreadlocks in the face while crowd surfing at Lollapalooza, as an adult they prevent my entire foot from being shattered. Not one to be worn around, but always kept handy. Like that dress you stole out of your ex-girlfriend's house. The lacy one with the feathered collar.
Extra option:
Sports/Cleated Shoes
Most guys over 25 should have golf shoes handy, even if you're not a player chances are you may have to play for some meeting or business expense or you're ordered to entertain the bosses nephew or he'll slit you from neck to nuts. Don't be that guy out there playing in lime green Reebok Pumps. In fact, why are you wearing Reebok Pumps? Aren't they like 22 years old? Sports shoes are also acceptable for a sport you may play in. No witty comment.
...Really, is there any others that you need? I'm sure there's some context of environment here, but I honestly think things are turning into the 1980's now the way the 90's were like the late 60's. Now, the music is sappy and shitty, the boys are feathering and styling their hair and putting getting laid first, and the clothes have no taste and will be laughed at in ten years. But the worst thing of all is this metrosexual surge. This exhaustive need for attention. We are men. We don't need six different style of clubbin' footwear. We don't need running shoes just to play video games in. We don't need to sculpt our eyebrows or shave our beards so they're as thin as a gnat's dick and wear sunglasses at night. Only Corey Hart could do that. And he was popular in the 80's. Which was three decades ago.
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