"Dude, there is so much drunk, horny trim out here tonight! We are walking away with pussy tonight or my name ain't Ricky Jakobi!"
I actually suck at dancing. I've never actually made the honest attempt to be good at it, since I'm even to embarrassed to practice in front of the mirror. Instead, we wait for the girls to pack up the dance floor like they always do, then randomly shove away around, grind a few asses without permission, maybe even cop a quick feel in the dark or two if it's congested enough!
"Oh, bro, that fine-looking chick in COMPLETELY eye-fucking me right now. I just make a movement."
I am too pathetic to "make a movement". Chances are the girl isn't actually checking me out, because I'm shallow and only try to grind the most attractive member of each girls' group. I don't want to look like a fraidy-cat in front of my friends, so I'll think up some vague, macho-Confucius excuse that lets me off the hook:
"Aw shit, man. Can't move in on that, there's no run-off for you. No friends with her. Let's move on, bros before hos! Let's take a lap!"
Whew. That was a close one. I managed to save face and all I had to do was kill my soul for a bit. Getting a drink from the way-too overcrowded bar area should kill time. Maybe I'll bump into a girl so wasted she'll give me those "You'll do" eyes and I'll move in on it. As long as she doesn't pass out before insertion, there's nothing wrong with it. Whoop, another girl facing away from me, think I'll grind my throbbing semi against her leg. Oh, shit. She 's not into me, she's making that move when she goes to the other side of her group of friends. Well, I'm a drunk fuckstick who thinks musical perversion is a sure-fire pick-up method, so I'll just keep chasing her around. I'm sure she'll cave soon.
"Hey, I'm having an after-hours party back at my place after the doors swing wide, ladies! You should join us! What, you have to 'work tomorrow'? Your loss, sluts!"
That after hours party always has, and always will be my and my fellow douchebag friends here watching movies in the dark after we get home, not even finishing our first opened beer. Tomorrow, we will tell stories from last night that we were all there for and boast about who out drank who, because hey.... that is all we have in our sad lives, which we sometimes wish would just simply end.
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